Journeys End

The time I thought would never come is here, and I am coming home.

When I flick back through my blog entries, I cannot believe I have been to so many places and seen so many things...It is almost like it has happened to someone else. When I was planning this adventure, I never really thought about the end and what it would be like to come home, but I can assure you all that I am 100% ready to return to England and am looking forward to starting the next stage of my life.

I have loved travelling: seeing all the sights and meeting so many new friends was a wonderful experience, but I doubt I would go away for so long again. I think you can get jaded if you see so much in such a short time and therefore my maximum trip for the future would probably be one month, to ensure that I fully appreciate everything I am seeing. I prefer to have the energy to see everything through fresh eyes!

When I think back to this time last year, I remember sitting at home talking to Nan about how I had just had enough of stammering and I didn't know what to do about it. I could barely say anything and was even more constrained by some letters or sounds being completely unavailable to me (like the letter J, which was immensely inconvenient as I worked with Judy, Jenna, John, Julia and Julian... you couldn't make this stuff up!). I felt like I was completely abnormal and hated myself for stammering so badly and not being able to do something so simple that even a child could do. I felt like stammering affected the way people responded to and treated me. Stammering is humiliating and debilitating and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Now, fast forward one year and I have travelled alone to over 20 countries, introduced myself to hundreds of new people, participated in numerous public speeches at Toastmasters in 5 different countries (including inadvertently leading a Table Topics session), taught children in Laos to pronounce English words as they are meant to be said, and been filmed in an interview with Indonesian students whilst in Malaysia. Not bad for someone who studiously avoided saying anything to anyone new, and who hated meetings at work because I couldn't introduce myself.

Having said this, the challenge is far from over and I still have a long way to go. When you see me, please do not expect me to be a fluent speaker because I'm not, and I never will be. But I am doing my best to be eloquent and I would be grateful if you could continue to support me, as you all kindly did before I left to go travelling. I might be 'back in my comfort zone' at home but there will still be challenges and to be honest, there needs to be challenges because I want to keep moving forward in my recovery.

My goals for 2011 are as follows:

* Pass the McGuire coaching exam so I can help other people like me- by November 2011
* Start attending London support group (because I've never actually been...!)- by January 2011
* Make Jack and Katie proud by reading at their wedding- September 2011
* Start learning German again- by March 2011
* Run a half marathon- by October 2011 (I have to train first!)

I am setting my goals publicly to ensure my behaviour follows my intentions. When you see me, please ask me how I am getting on with them.

This was the story of Reedy's Roams 2010. Thank you for sharing my adventure with me; it has been an honour writing this for your reading pleasure!

Bye for now.



http://www.flickr.com/photos/52206124@N06/

Wipeout

The past few days have flown by; time was spent watching people set themselves on fire and then bungy jumping off a high platform (this is supposedly the only place in the world you can do this). We also went to surf mecca 'Ulu Watu' to watch the pro surfers tackle 8 ft waves. To get to the break, you have to walk through a cave that is only accessible at low tide and then swim out to catch the current- its quite tricky so only the really advanced guys surf here. I was inspired to get as good as them, but also very intimidated by the force of the sea.



My surfing lessons are not going as well as I had hoped. I have had two lessons so far, neither of which have gone particularly brilliantly. The school I am learning with promised my money back if I failed to stand up after one lesson, which I did, but there hasn't been any standing up since then. I know that a good workman never blames his tools, but the waves are just too big (in my expert opinion!) for novice surfers, and the boards look a bit rickety so I'm not confident they can take my weight.

Sometimes I sit and watch the experienced surfers to learn how they manage to hop up on their boards so quickly, so that I can replicate this in my lesson, but I strongly believe that fear is holding me back. I am so frightened of the swirling maelstrom of water surrounding me and pulling me under, resulting in drowning. I have tried so hard to be safety conscious throughout this trip; it would be a shame to die so close to the end. With my mind full of drowning thoughts, I lose confidence and concentration and then I fall in (which perpetuates the fear of drowning even more!), before I've even done so much as managed to kneel...

I've been hit in the stomach twice (quite hard, might I add), have numerous ugly purple bruises on my arms and legs from board assaults and have swallowed what seems like half of Kuta beach, but I am still trying! In McGuire world, we have 8 laws we utilise to speak eloquently and my favourite is number 5: Put in whatever effort is necessary. This is me, right now. By hook or by crook, I WILL be a good surfer by hometime. I'm prepared to come home with two black eyes, if that is what it takes!



I still have 5 days until I come home and to me, enough is enough now. I feel like I am sat in the waiting room, poised for the door to open and for the rest of my life to start! I shouldn't complain because, lets face it, the most taxing thing about my day is making sure a.) I don't drown and b.) I put suncream everywhere so I don't burn- neither of which is very stressful. Well, the not drowning part is quite stressful, but suncream application isn't. I am anxious to put my new plans into action and see where 2011 will take me, but I know I have to wait a teeny bit longer...

The Final Countdown

After the Gilli Islands last week, Bobo and I went to Lombok, Bali's quiet neighbour, to see 'real Indonesia'. Terraced rice paddies lined the roads, and monkeys frequently stalked our van whilst screeching. We drove to the southern tip of Lombok and stayed in Kuta, which is nothing like its Bali namesake. There is literally nothing there! It is tiny fishing village with rugged coastline, so after 3 days we got a bit bored and came back to Kuta on Bali. I like pretty scenery as much as the next girl but a beach is a beach, and Kuta Bali has lots of mullet sporting Australians to look at, which gives it the edge.



I realised today that I will be making my way home in only 10 days....10 DAYS!!! I can hardly believe it as there is still much to do, namely learn to surf! I have investigated my options and think the best way to get good fast is to do an intensive 5 day course, starting Sunday. I hope that I am good at surfing; my hand to eye co-ordination is pretty poor (which disappointed netball teachers at school) so lets see how my feet to eye co-ordination fares. I'll obviously post embarrassing photos of me wiping out on my blog next week for your enjoyment.

Such a small world

Bobo and I have been hanging out on the Gilli Islands; tiny squares of paradise in the Bali Sea. There are no motorcycles on the island, which makes for an altogether quieter experience of Indonesia. We have snorkelled, swam in the sea repeatedly and then yesterday took a guided snorkel excursion to visit Gilli Meno and Gilli Air. We saw 5 sea turtles, which was incredible. They just bobbed along, minding their own business, unaware of the fascination they were causing amongst the humans! My favourite fish were the tye-dye fish, the burglar fish (white and black stripe) and the arrow fish.

We stopped for lunch on Gilli Air, the smallest of the islands and also the most exclusive (hence why us peasants were not staying there!) We saw another snorkelling group in the restaurant but I was merrily chatting away to people on my group (practicing my assertive first sound this week) so I didn't take much notice. Imagine my surprise when a friendly face from my past tapped me on the shoulder and enveloped me in a great big bear hug! It was my friend Jonny, who I lived with at the zoo and have not seen for ages! It was bizarre to be so far away from home and to see such a familiar face! It was lovely to hear his news and he said that I seemed really different now, and much happier than when we lived together.



This week, a challenging speaking situation occurred. My brother is actually the friendliest person I have ever met in my life and literally chats to everyone. He got talking to a Canadian man in a bar on the island, and when I went over to join them, the Canadian asked me my name. Blindsided slightly, I had a teeny block on my name, so I stopped, tried again and was successful. Despite this, the man laughed and started making fun of me.... Now, some of you who have been reading my blog from the start may recall the episode in Peru, where the girls on the Inca Trail were making fun of me and I didn't do anything about it. I just sat in my tent and cried (only a little bit, but back then i was still really new at this speaking eloquently lark and I felt that their jokes and impressions were mean and uncalled for). Anyway, back to the story- the point was that I did nothing. I let them make me feel small and awful and I did nothing.

I learnt a lot from that episode: namely that I never wanted to feel that way again. So, I sat and ordered food, gave myself time to gather my thoughts and then practicised with my brother what I was going to say to this man, as I felt that I needed to do a strong cancellation of the experience, as well as educate him to stop him from doing it to someone else.

I went over to him, gave a concise disclosure about my stammer and then explained about why a cancellation is important (so that when I am next asked my name, I will remember the most recent experience as a strong and positive situation during which I was in control). I said my name again to him, using a strong, deep tone from the chest. I'll give him his due, he apologised sincerely and then tried to dig his way out of the hole by saying that he thought, "I was really hot"...! Nice try buddy, but it won't wash with me! The main thing is that if he meets someone with a stammer again, he won't behave like such a complete tool. Job done.

Bobo, the celebrity

Bobo arrived in Bali on Saturday night along with chocolate, biscuits, magazines and cards from my two best friends- it was an exciting time! The party rings were snaffled within about 2 hours but I am showing restraint with the other foodstuffs to last me my final 20 days (eek!).

We have had a busy time so far seeing Mount Batur (Bali's active volcano), traipsed around Ubud with a load of 30-something women gripping 'Eat, Love, Pray' in their sweaty palms and learned how ducks assist in the rice growing process.



I've now been in Asia for about 4 months and as I think I have mentioned in the past, am requested to have my photo taken with locals at least once per day. For Bobo, this is a new experience and he didn't understand it at first. He was perhaps even slightly intimidated. But now, after two days, he loves it! Walking about a temple earlier today, shy schoolchildren looked as though they wanted a photo with us but were too afraid to ask. My outgoing brother simply shouted (despite us being in a temple) to them that we are happy to be photographed. Cue a swarm of about 50 schoolchildren all crowding us and trying to take our photo, shoving friends out of the way so they can be the only one in the photo, 5 camera phones pointed at us at once etc... It turned into a slight brawl and I think the temple staff were happy when we left!

Transport? Transport?

I am happy to report that Bali is sunny, cheap and serves very western food. Since my short-lived love affair with rice is firmly over, the third aspect of Bali's brilliance is very welcome indeed. The hotel is lovely and I have investigated getting to the Gilli Islands with Bobo on Tuesday so we do not waste any time. We are also going to do a one day tour on Monday around the island which includes seeing Ubud, the setting of 'That Damn Book' as locals refer to 'Eat, Pray, Love'.

There are numerous motorcycles running rampant along the roads (driven in equal measure by locals and Western surfers transporting their boards), and pavements are non existent. It's like being in Vietnam again, only worse as the drivers shout 'Transport! Transport!' as they pass you, (even when I am running along Kuta beach at night, when it is blatantly obvious my feet are my transport). I will feel safer here when Bobo arrives as I don't think they hassle women with men so much. It saddens me to say this because I am a firm believer in the world being open to all, but I must concede that there are places equality has not quite reached yet. Maybe I'll buy a ring to wear on my wedding finger for the final few weeks..

To The Bat Cave!

More jungle antics abound with a visit to Mulu National Park to see the world famous Deer Cave, and the nightly migration of millions of bats who leave their cosy home to forage for food.

We arrived at the Royal Mulu Resort ready to explore the caves and see lots of wildlife, and after a week of roughing it in the jungle, we were ready for some 5 star luxury. We visited Clearwater Cave, Langs Cave, Wind Cave and then finally at dusk, arrived at Deer Cave and settled ourselves down to watch the phenomena.



We waited.

And we waited.

And then we waited some more. (Just for good measure).

Nothing.

The bats were apparently not hungry, but we were, so we left to go to dinner and agreed that we would come again the second night to see the bats, who would be starving by then.

Dinner was a spread. It was like being at Aunty's house on Christmas Eve- so many dishes to choose from and all looked amazing. There were different stations where you could have food cooked to order, as well as a buffet full of food I have missed dearly whilst on my travels. To entertain us, the resort engaged traditional entertainers, including one warrier who wore only a loin cloth, a spear and feathers, and thought it was funny to block my way to the food. I did tell him I would stab his spear somewhere uncomfortable if he didn't get out of my way to the ice cream station, but he didn't understand English, so this comment was wasted.

Breakfast in the morning was another spread, this time including a waffle station! I was very excited about this. Maybe more so the waffles than the bats, perhaps?! But anyway, we spent the day lounging around the pool and then traipsed off, cameras all fully charged, to try see the bats again.

We waited.

And we waited.

And then we waited some more. (Because thats what we like to do).

Nothing.



No bats, nada, zip. I was disappointed not to see them and will try to come back again in future but its a long way to come for something that may or may not happen, even if the food at the resort is amazing. (Actually maybe that is why the food is so good- it cheers disappointed tourists up). I feel so lucky with everything else I have seen here on this beautiful island and the best thing about Borneo: NO LEECHES! None! So no bats, but no leeches either. Hurrah!

I am extremely excited at the moment for the arrival of Roaming Reedy the Younger, aka BOBO! My brother is coming to join me in T-minus 4 days for 10 days of fun and frolicks on the Gilli Islands, off the coast of Bali. We are also meeting with two lovely Scottish lasses I travelled through China with so it will be nice to be surrounded by friends and family again and be back in a somewhat comfort zone, after months of nonstop speaking challenges. I think the next two weeks will be an interesting insight to see how my speech is when I am with people I feel comfortable around... I'll let you all know what happens.

Blingtastic Brunei!

There was a sequence of unexpected events this week that led me into the land of gold and ostentatious bling...Brunei! Despite our leader expressly forbidding us to go, I *might* have had one of my great ideas for a fun adventure(!), and organised a car and driver for 5 others and myself to explore somewhere that I'd never really known much about or would plan to visit especially. (Also, I thought Brunei was near Dubai, so I learned something new! Everyone is a winner).

We had an excellent time and toured the Royal Palace, 2 Mosques, a 7 star hotel which was fancy but really empty, and the worlds largest water villages. Immediately after crossing the border, we saw that houses were sturdier and the roads had less potholes- there is a lot of money rolling about. Quick fact: Malaysians are not allowed to use petrol stations in Brunei because the cheap petrol is only for the locals.



After our illicit soujourn, we returned to Malaysia to stay with the Iban tribe in traditional longhouses, and hike the Headhunters Trail through primary jungle. As usual, my main concern was leeches. I wore tights under trousers, with 4 pairs of socks both under and over the tights to ensure that none of the little creatures could get anywhere near my skin. Great plan, except I was ridiculously hot, which was a slight oversight on my part, I must admit. The guide said he had never met anyone so obsessed with not getting leeches on them as I made him stop every 300 metres and check me, but I made it up to him by helping him to cook a dinner of jungle-style KFC for the group which I think he appreciated.

The week was ok speech-wise. The issue is that whenever I go for a long time without speaking on a regular basis (say, for the 3 weeks I was travelling completely alone), its harder when I do start speaking again because my diaphragm needs to warm back up and I need to get used to speaking again.

My speech is being tested under pressure it wouldn't normally face (i.e. once my confidence has built up and I am able to push comfort zones and boundaries). These challenges mean I know when to put more effort in and that I need to drop back to 3 words per breath, and to really concentrate on visualising the words coming out correctly.

I like doing things properly and to the best of my ability (as you are all well aware), and it annoys me when I can't get it right, but I know why it is happening and what to do to fix it, which is the main thing.

Borneo Part 2- Men of the Forest

Kinabalu over, it was time to head to the jungle where I stayed in a lodge for 2 days and spent time on the river looking for wildlife. My eagle eyes were rewarded with a rare sighting of a wild orangutan, crocodiles and various monkeys!

The jungle lodge had several tame visitors- George the Monitor lizard, Maggie the bearded pig and Thomas the civet cat. Bizarre, but a great experience all the same! I found out that the base note for Chanel Number 5 perfume comes from a civet cat's anal glands, which was some interesting party trivia.



I was also lucky enough to visit Sepilok, the orangutan rehabilitation centre to see the men of the forest in their natural habitat. Two orangutans were mothers with babies (which were adorable), and the dominant male had a ridiculously wide face, which is what the lady orangutans find very handsome indeed!

Leechwatch: Doing fine so far with no leeches, but we are hiking to a remote hill tribe next week so I am ready to see some then. Our guide advised 'rolling them like a bogey' and flicking them away, so I shall see how that works.

Borneo Part 1- Climbing the Beast

Tuesday and Wednesday of this week saw me hiking Mount Kinabalu, AKA the Beast. 8.30am on Tuesday morning was the start of what was to be quite an adventure, and little did I know what was to happen.

The group had the option to hike the easy trail, or the hard trail. For reasons unknown to me, we chose the harder trail, which entailed 8 hours of solid uphill hiking, sometimes scrambling on our hands and knees to reach a checkpoint.

About 3 hours into the hike, the heavens opened (which has become a regular feature in Borneo- it rains here. A lot). The rain was a nonstop, heavy downpour, and we were soaked to the skin, with waterlogged shoes, within a matter of minutes. The trail had turned into a river/waterfall and there was the classic approach avoidance conflict of knowing the water had leeches lurking in it, waiting to attach and suck your blood, but also knowing that you have to keep walking. What do you do?! It's a rock or a hard place.

After 8 long hours, we reached Laban Rata, the checkpoint for the summit and the place of rest before the final push. Luckily, our group was in a nearby dormitory so we did not have to hike further up the mountain to get to our beds. After a cup of hot Milo it was bedtime at 6.30pm as we had to be awake for the 2am summit climb. This was where the problems really started.

No- one really slept that night as I think we were all over tired from the first days' hike, and nervous about what the next morning would bring. 2am came around and we strapped on our wet hiking boots ready to start the summit climb. I had no dry clothes due to no radiators in the dorms so was wearing my pajama top with robots on (thanks Cuz!) and leggings, with red knee high socks over the top, which wasn't particularly warm or stylish.

Outside was pitch black- all we could see was the few feet in front of us lit by head torches. The trail soon became very steep, and after about 1km, became completely vertical with a series of ropes that were used to pull ourselves up the mountain. We had no idea if the trail was on a sheer cliff face or not, which added to the fear levels.

In Bolivia and Peru, I suffered quite badly from altitude sickness but didn't think it would pose a problem in Borneo because Kinabalu is 4,000 metres, which is nowhere near as high as some of the mountains I hiked in South America. It did not occur to me that we ascended 1,000 metres in 2 hours for the final push, and as a result, at about 25 feet from the top of the mountain, I became quite unwell.



The girls I was hiking with kept encouraging me to go on, but by this stage, I couldn't see straight (it was like being drunk, when the world spins and images have trouble keeping up with your eyes), nor could I really speak coherently. A passing guide saw me fall over and took it upon himself to carry me up the final section, which was kind of him but didn't really help the situation as with altitude sickness, the only cure is going down, not up.

At the summit, I perched on a rock and couldn't even lift my head to admire the view. I felt utterly awful and must have looked like I'd had a few too many in the restaurant the night before the climb. Luckily, one of our guides took one look at me and dragged me back down the mountain (there was a lot of dragging going on that day). He had one hand around my waist to support me as I was unable to walk straight, and one hand on the rope to ensure that we did not slip off the side of the mountain, which was a distinct possibility. I lost count of the number of times I fell over simply because the guide was running across all these huge rocks and at one point, my arm was ripped from the socket because I was sliding away from him and he tried to pull me back.

It was only when we were halfway back down to Laban Rata that I could focus my eyes again and realised just how sheer the edges of the mountain were. In England, the climb would never happen without proper safety equipment and clothing- I was wearing a pajama top with robots on, for goodness sake!

Luckily, back at Laban Rata I had some breakfast, a cup of tea and was able to get down the mountain, but it was an experience I am not keen to revisit in a hurry.

Hannah + high altitude = recipe for disaster!

The Land Beneath the Wind

I'm now in Borneo and today is the first day of my last tour... mixed feelings, but mainly hunger, in anticipation of the group meal later today.

I got here on Friday after a flight where they served Ferrero Rocher (my kind of flight! It certainly beats weird ham and cheese doughnut things) and have just been relaxing, reading and catching up on admin as I won't have email access for the next week or so, whilst I hike Mount Kinabalu and visit the Orangutans.

I went to the cinema yesterday to watch 'Buried'- (laughably horrendous, watch it if you are sad and need cheering up), which ticked another travelling box of something I wanted to do while I was away (go to the cinema in a foreign country, not watch an awful Ryan Reynolds film).

Leechwatch: None so far, but it is early days still. I have my tights packed in my backpack and I am not afraid to use them, even in 30 degree weather!

Other than that, no news to report. Things are ticking over nicely.

FAO MY BOURNEMOUTH FAMILY AND FRIENDS
The Bournemouth McGuire course is next month and public speech arrangements are as follows:

Date: Saturday 13th November
Place: Millenium Flame, Bournemouth Town Square
Time: 3pm

Please go and support the new students; doing your first public speech is a terrifying but wonderful experience and they need a supportive audience. Applaud their courage and bravery for me!

Things I miss...

I have been unwell this week with a stomach bug and therefore have had much time to consider things that I am now beginning to miss about home. With only six weeks left of my self imposed exile, the list below is not exhaustive, nor in any particular order:



My family and friends
Plugging electrical items straight into the socket
The pound sign on keyboards
Watching 4od
Straightening my hair
Cosmopolitan
Using makeup
Duvets
Builders Tea
Marks and Spencers
Closer Magazine (my guilty pleasure- the real life stories are genius!)
Proper Chips
Highcliffe Beach
Sleeping in a room on my own (as opposed to with up to 13 strangers. Some of whom snore/smell/are guilty of both)
Using a shower without flipflops on
Glasses of milk
Walking to work
Lunches at the Regency
Being cold
New songs on my iPod
Being able to listen to strangers conversations on the bus
Cheese
Elaine Page on Sundays
Beans on toast
X Factor
Powerplates and spinning
Access to the McGuire support list
Party Rings
Cadburys
Knowing what day it is
Glee
Having a working mobile phone
Drinking tap water
London Theatre
Consumer Rights
Baking
Not being charged to get my money out of ATM's
Pizza Express
Raspberries, strawberries and clotted cream
Getting library books out
Adventures
Queuing
Knowing how much things are without having to use mental arithmetic
Random facts with Lucy
Wearing jeans

Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying travelling and love seeing sights that I had only ever dreamed about but sometimes you do just want your home comforts!



The other thing I noticed on Tuesday (when I was ill) was that whenever people spoke to me, I struggled to answer due to not doing a warm up (because being in any position other than flat on my back caused physical pain) and also feeling so rotten. I just don't understand how I managed to last 18 years not being able to communicate...seriously, how?! When I look back, I am genuinely bemused at how I managed to do everything I did (living in New York 3 times, living in the zoo, going to uni etc)- how did people understand me and what I was saying? I don't have my first day video with me but when I get home that's the first thing I want to watch with a cup of tea, to remember exactly how far I have come. Yes, ok, I might have turbulence now and then but speaking eloquently is relatively new to me and I'm very proud of how I've coped, especially in these past 5 months.

Even if I live to be 105, on my deathbed, I will still be astounded at how much better life is when you can speak!

Going Wild!

My arms are sore from shovelling and sweeping, my legs are tired and I am more than ready to fly to Borneo, but I still have 3 days' left working at the zoo.

My first day was spent helping the elephant section and what struck me most was how different the health and safety is to that of English zoos. In my zoo, you were never allowed anywhere near the elephants and always had to stand behind metal bars if they were roaming freely in the paddock. What's more, you certainly never touched them! Imagine my surprise when I found myself in the elephant house next to one male and one female elephant who were being cleaned. Neither were restrained in any way, and the female even laid down on the ground so that the keeper could scrub her belly properly. The keeper handed me a scrubbing brush, and I tentatively helped him whilst simultaneously thinking, "Thank god I added my health insurance information on the sign in sheet!"

Saturday I was with hoofstock, and mainly focused on the giraffes. I love giraffes because I think they are quite like me: gangly and too tall for their bodies! As a special reward for working so hard, the keepers led me to the roof of the giraffe house where we fed them food pellets and I was allowed to stroke them, something which I had never done at my zoo. We sat up on the roof for a long time, just watching them interact with each other; it was wonderful!



Each day at the zoo begins with cleaning enclosures and the Zoo Negara staff are fastidious about this. My hands are blistered and my forearm muscles ache from using them so much, but it is still an amazing experience that I am so grateful to have had. Next week I am working with Tapirs on Monday, and then hippos on Tuesday...brilliant!

I have also had the good fortune to have a complimentary Fitness First gym pass in KL to get my fitness levels up for Mount K. The gym is superb and everyone is very friendly to me. This week is good for my talking practice: all day long I chatter away to zoo keepers and members of the public, and then more talking in group exercise classes at night. Lots of good speaking opportunities here! I think I am finally relaxed about expecting turbulence whilst I am travelling. I am so far out of my comfort zone that I sometimes struggle to remember what a comfort zone would feel like. Even when I am chatting to my family and friends on Skype, I am aware that people in the internet cafe can hear me and are listening (who wouldn't?! My life is a nonstop stream of excitement, hee hee!). I am now looking forward to coming home and getting myself really strong again although this time I will have the confidence to know that my speech does hold up when it is pushed to the limit, as it has been these past 5 months.



On Sunday I had a day of rest and so spent the day doing contacts and shopping, which I normally hate at home but here it is quite fun as most clothes seem to fit me. Karen Millen had some amazing party dresses in stock for Christmas and one navy silk dress caught my eye, but sadly I have nowhere to wear such an item and therefore cannot justify the purchase. If anyone wants to invite me to something special so I can buy the dress, I will gladly accept! Emails to the usual address, please!

Fortune favours the brave

Following a gruelling 10 hour bus journey up Malaysia's west coast, I arrived in George Town. I wasn't sure what to expect because it receives very mixed reviews, but the place itself was charming enough and it killed time until I fly to Borneo. I found nice people (finally!) to sightsee with, and as part of the tourist Heritage Trail, we got our fortunes told by one of Malaysia's oldest tarot card readers.

Auntie Sim works out of a shack near George Town's central market, and from the start I was apprehensive because I only let one of my dear American friends read my cards as she is the only one I trust to tell me the truth about what she sees. The problem with the reading in George Town was that it was so vague, she literally could have been talking about anyone. The reading itself was like a comedy film: she spoke rapidly for about 30 seconds and her husband would translate maybe 4 words into English... so I wondered what she was really saying! The results: I will have a "not bad time" travelling(!), I have to listen to my gut instinct, relax and not think too much. Thanks for that, Auntie Sim!

The hostel in George Town was my worst so far; hamsters everywhere and no air conditioning which is vital in 40 degree heat. Sleep was an unavailable luxury in George Town; the person in the bed under me kept scratching his body throughout the night, which shook the cheap bed frame. I finally drifted off to sleep at about 5am. Then at 6am, I awoke to him shaking my shoulders and trying to show me his bites. No word of a lie. This was the conversation:

Scratchy Man: Have you been bitten?
Me: No (Thank you, NHS London, for my silk sleeping sheet!)
Scratchy: Well, I have.
Me: Oh, ok.
Scratchy: Look, all down my arms and legs. There are bedbugs here.
Me: Ok. Well, why dont you move beds?
Scratchy: I like this bed.
Me: But you think it has bedbugs?
Scratchy: I stayed in this bed in this hostel 6 weeks ago, and I got bedbugs then, too.
Me: Ri-ght. So why did you come back?
Scratchy: (not answering) Look! They are everywhere on me!

In the end, I closed my eyes to ensure he got the message that I did not want to talk (yes readers, I know I have complained about lack of talking recently but I think you'll forgive me for not feeling particularly chatty at 6am with someone who has kept me awake all night because he is a moron).

My daily running routine has stepped up a gear in preparation to hike the beast, Borneo's Mount Kinabalu, in 2 weeks' time. Mount K is South East Asia's highest point and half the height of Everest. Apparently, you need bucketloads of mental endurance to reach the summit for sunrise, so I shall be conserving my energy for what should be a highlight of my jaunt.

In the meantime, another random speaking opportunity came my way. Some of you know that I used to live in a zoo, and as a result of this, I know several zoo keepers. Whilst discussing the lack of speaking with one of them, he mentioned the possibility of me volunteering in KL zoo, to ensure that I keep the speaking up. Never one to miss an opportunity, I instantly accepted the challenge and hotfooted it down to KL and am ready to start work at Kuala Lumpur's Zoo Negara first thing tomorrow morning. I volunteer with them until Wednesday so I am excited but nervous to see what this week will bring!

Marvellous Malacca

On Friday, I crossed the border from Singapore to Malaysia, which was easier than anticipated. The bus was full of locals except for one other Westerner; a septuagenarian from Florida who was surprisingly sprightly despite being three times my age! Two passport stamps later (one slightly crooked, might I add), and we were free to go through to Malaysia.

Melacca is a beautiful, historical city. In the past, it was conquered by both the Dutch and Portuguese, and as such has unusual architecture. I took a boat ride yesterday evening along the Melacca straight, the famous shipping lanes, and then found some tasty food in the shape of roti masala (a kind of potato-vegetable pancake), served on a huge banana leaf. I was slightly concerned when I saw other people eating from banana leaves because I hate the taste of banana and was worried that it might have rubbed off onto the food, but my fears were unfounded and the roti was delicious.

Transport in Malacca is in the form of the tri-shaw: bicycles with sidecards attached that have been pimped up with flowers, cuddly toys, flashing lights and MJ blaring from the speakers. The added extras gives pedestrians the advantage of that you know when they are coming, unlike in Vietnam where they stealth bomb up behind you and graze your calves, then wonder why you are angry!



My hostel is very nice although I am the sole inhabitant in the 8 bed dorm...which to be honest, I should have expected by now! To compensate for the lack of human interaction, I have been doing yet more contacts, focusing on assertive first sound and also overkilling more words. Yesterday, whilst doing contacts, I was approached by 2 separate groups of Indonesian students, keen to practice their English. The first group interviewed me about my thoughts on Melacca and how it could be improved. The second group wanted the same information, but whipped out a video camera to record the 3 minute discussion.



To say I was terrified when I saw the video camera is an understatement, especially because recently I have been experiencing a lot of tension as a result of the challenging circumstances I experience daily. In my mind, the goal of the McGuire programme had warped into "Trying not to stammer", and I was judging my success/failure on how often I blocked. The actual goal of the programme is to become a "strong, eloquent speaker". Having realised this (with my coach Terry's help, obviously!), my mantra for the foreseeable future is now:

"There is a big difference between trying not to stammer and trying to speak well"

Did I speak well with the Indonesian students?

I'd have to say that most definitely, I did.

Singapore Sling

I love Singapore. Genuinely. It is clean, efficient, illegal to smoke in most public places, illegal to drop litter, Cadburys is available, people queue AND they have Marks and Spencers. What is not to like?

On Monday I went to Raffles Hotel and was instantly hit with a wave of nostalgia for the glory days of Noel Coward at the piano and Elizabeth Taylor at a fitting in the onsite dress shop. Raffles is an institution in itself, and wandering along the hallowed halls, I imagined myself, for an instant, being a guest there. (As opposed to my hostel in Little India, which is nice except for the electrical wiring hanging out of the showers).

Raffles is opulent but tasteful; the famous Long Bar is decked in mahogany wood furniture with comfy rattan chairs. Overhead, bamboo fans mechanically waft patrons with refreshing air. I considered ordering a Singapore Sling but it was 10am and therefore far too early for a shocking pink cocktail. My favourite Raffles legend is about the time a tiger slept under the billiards table- which for me, sums up the old school glamour that the hotel epitomises. One day I'll come back for my honeymoon, mark my words!

I tried to go to Toastmasters on Monday evening but it became a bit awkward. You see, when I emailed the organisers to ask about going, they could not have been more welcoming and even informed me that there would be a dinner first, for networking. I thought, "This is my kind of Toastmasters- free food and the chance to practice speaking? Count me in!"

When I arrived at the Sheraton Towers Hotel for the meeting, I tucked into the spread of battered prawns, fried noodles and spinach quiche followed by 2 doughnuts (and 2 more which I smuggled into my lunch box- you can't take me anywhere!), and was thoroughly content...until, the organiser came over to ask me for my $30 admin fee (about 15 pounds). I have never paid to go to Toastmasters and I don't intend to, so using my best assertive first sound, I explained my hesitation, grabbed my bag, and left sharpish before they asked me to pay for the food. It was not agreeable at all!



Speaking of speaking, my plan for the week was to literally speak to anyone and everyone who came my way. I was all buoyed up, confident and had centred and clarified who I am and what I expected from each speaking situation.

Trouble is, in my hostel, I've seen 4 people, none of whom can speak English. To compensate, I have done more contacts than usual, specifically focusing on assertive first sound to counteract the tendency to hold back. I decided to multitask and did contacts at the same time as exploring the ciy, which was very efficient and ensured my feet and brain were both tired. I'm hoping that my Melacca hostel will be busier but I couldn't help reflecting that pre-McGuire, whenever I travelled and stayed in hostels, I actively avoided any speaking situation and hid away from other people socialising in the common areas. Now, I actually want to chat to other travellers and there is no one here. Typical!

My speaking aim for the next week is to continue to actively use assertive first sound to overcome the tendency to hold back. Holding back has been giving me problems recently so I need to use this in every speaking situation. I'll let you all know how I get on next week.

I booked the bus to Melacca for 8.30am on Friday morning, so by the time you all wake up, I shall hopefully be in Malaysia. The border is apparently straightforward and the bus stops once each side to complete formalities. Hopefully the immigration officers will agree to my request to stamp on a page that already has stamps on- the pages are getting ever more limited now...

PS I posted this on Thursday 7th October at 7pm Singapore time (12pm London), so I don't know why it is showing as Monday!

Flying Solo

Following the leech episode, I decided to leave the jungle and make for the relaxing island of Ko Tao, which I had been assured had no "friends" to plague me. Ko Tao was sunny, the pool and beach were both much appreciated and despite nearly getting bottled by a bar owner, all was well. I spent a long time on the beach considering my options about Borneo and the leech situation. The outcome is: I've paid for the flights and the tours, so there is no way I am not going, but I will invest in another pair of leggings that I can seal around my ankles with socks and elastic bands. I can also tuck vests into the waist of the leggings and tie with a belt. I'm taking no chances...

Ko Tao also offered a nightly ladyboy show called 'Queens', which I was pleasantly surprised with. The costumes, makeup and choreography were stellar, and my toe immediately started tapping along to Beyonce and Lady Gaga. Some songs were unfamiliar to my companions, however my love of Eurovision song contests ensured that I knew every hit, most notably Dana International's "Diva"- a call to arms for ladyboys everywhere!



This week I also mentally prepared myself for the fact that as of today, I am going it alone! I fly to Singapore at 6.30pm tonight, and apart from having to be in Kuala Lumpur on Friday 22nd October, Malaysia is my oyster. In true Roamin' Reedy style, I have a rough plan but I also want to see where the time takes me. For the past week, I have been writing 3 positive comments about my speech in my daily diary, to boost my morale and confidence. I think this has worked as I am excited to make new friends and ready to face the speaking challenges ahead! Toastmasters tomorrow night is my first challenge, so wish me luck everyone!



I have also gone into overdrive showing and telling people what I am doing to desensitise myself even further. The reaction I get from people when I disclose to them continues to surprise me and warms my heart. In particular, I have been travelling with a lovely Brummie belly dancer named Helen who was so kind and patient when I met her and had to battle with some words, as well as a surgeon from London who approached me the day after I told him about my stammering recovery to say that after reflecting on my disclosure, he thought what I was doing was "amazing and inspirational". During the first few weeks of my recovery, I rang every coach on the McGuire telephone list as part of my practice, and one advised me to keep a note of positive comments/situations where I was happy with my speech, to keep me going through the hard times. I am so glad I did this because it is easy to forget words of encouragement and just focus on the negative.
FAO McGuire Grads: writing down success stories really works! If you are having a turbulent day, sneaking a look at your positive memory bank instantly moves the hexagon into the positive, so do it!

I've been instigating as many conversations with random strangers as possible, to gain confidence that I am able to be assertive when in an unfamiliar speaking situation. My mindset has shifted from being scared about strangers laughing at my speech, to being slightly mercenary and using people to practice on! If they become friends, brilliant. If not, it was useful practice anyway.

I'll probably blog more this month so that you all know my whereabouts and that I am alive. If you do not hear from me for a week or more, alert the police and foreign office, please!

P.S: T-minus 10 hours until Marks and Spencers food to go biscuits. Just saying...

Same, same...but different

Yesterday I visited Khao Sok National Park, and normally I consider myself to be an adventurous type of girl: one who doesn't mind rain, insects or other such outdoorsy tribulations. Whatever nature has to throw at me, I can take.

I set off on a hike around the park to visit two waterfalls, and take in the scenery of some of the oldest trees in the world. Trundling along the path and listening to the sounds of the animals in the trees, I felt happy and content. The park was well sign posted, and although the scenery was not as beautiful as expected, I was just happy to be free of my old friend, Bangkok.

About an hour into the hike, I found the waterfalls...which actually were not waterfalls but rocks dumped in a river, creating a rapid effect. Dismayed, I turned around to walk back and found a manky dog with open sores on its tail, sitting next to me.

The dog seemed to appoint himself as my companion back through the park and despite trying speeding up, slowing down and eventually stopping to lose this thing, he was having none of it and I accepted that he was here to stay.

5 minutes later, the heavens opened and Thailand showed me what rainy season was all about. It literally bucketed down, so I quickened my pace and Boris, as I christened the dog, ran with me through puddles and across fallen bamboo leaves. Boris kept shaking himself free of water, which annoyed me slightly as I considered he may have leeches on his coat and I did not want them on me. I made sure to steer clear of him when he looked like he might shake.

Nearing the halfway point on the trail, I stopped when I heard a familiar noise from my old zoo living days. A family of monkeys were sitting overhead, sheltering from the rain. As I was drenched by this point, I thought nothing of stopping to admire them and watch as they took it in turns to shelter the others with leaves.

Suddenly, I felt something brush along my leg. I absentmindedly moved my hand over my shin to brush the leaf or mosquito away whilst keeping my eyes on the monkeys, but the invader was here to stay. Looking down, I saw the biggest leech I have ever seen in my life, on my leg. On my leg!! (Now, admittedly, I had never seen a leech before yesterday but it was 0.5cms wide and 3cms long, which I think is big).

I started screaming, shouting, Boris was barking and a lot of profanity was coming out of my mouth (sorry Nan), but I didn't know what to do to get this giant bloodsucker away from me. I swatted it and tried shaking it away but to no avail. In the end, I must have dazed it with my handbag because it attached itself to the leather and I was able to scrape it onto the floor and make my getaway.

I left the park after 2 more leech battles (neither as big as the original monster), and was glad to get to the jungle lodge; soaking wet and with manky Boris for company, but at least all of my original blood was intact.

I don't think I'm cut out for the jungle, which worries me for Borneo as that is 3 weeks of pure jungle living. I asked a local guide if Borneo has leeches and he responded in the typical South East Asian answer that I have come to know very well: "Borneo... hmmm, same same..but different".

Amazing Angkor Wat!

Earlier this week, I crossed the border into Cambodia, and was instantly shocked at the poverty here. American dollars come out of the cashpoints and food is expensive compared with Vietnam and Laos, yet people are so much poorer. That said, everyone I meet has a great big smile on their face and is happy to meet tourists to show us their country.

Visiting Phnom Penh was a sobering experience; we investigated Tuol Sleng, a notorious school-turned-prison which housed many tortured prisoners before they were driven to the killing fields. Room upon room displayed photos of inmates who had committed no crime more serious than being educated, or in some cases, wearing glasses, which was taken to mean that you were educated.



After visiting the prison, we journeyed to the Killing Fields. Walking around the fields on such a sunny day, I could hardly imagine what took place there. The dirt path leading visitors around the mass graves was littered with remnants of clothing, fragments of bone and victims' teeth. Seeing where these atrocities had taken place and hearing stories of how soldiers smashed babies against trees to kill them in a cheaper method than using bullets was harrowing... Cambodians are not taught about the genocide at school and members of the Khymer Rouge still sit on the Government, which to me, seems incredibly wrong.



Having learnt about Cambodia's depressing history, it was time to visit Angkor Wat, something I had been looking forward to immensely. Ta Prohm was my favourite temple at the site. Some of you may know this as the temple used to film 'Tomb Raider'. Angkor Wat itself was impressive for its size, but Ta Prohm has the atmospheric advantage of trees growing out of the ruins, which are breathtaking. Bayon Temple is also worthy of a mention on 'Reedy's Roams': smiling faces adorn numerous walls of the temple, which was the last state temple to be built at the Angkor site.

Siem Reap (the town next to Angkor Wat), is known as a party town so for the past month I have been excited to find out if the town lives up to its reputation. Last night was earmarked for dancing and although initially I was disappointed that the bar seemed to be full of customers wanting a quiet drink, the atmosphere soon turned upside down and by the end, everyone was dancing with everyone else on tables and benches- brilliant fun!

It seems crazy to me that another section of my journey is coming to an end, as I return to Bangkok tomorrow. My plan for next week is to hit the islands but sadly I miss the full moon party, which happens tonight. I am starting to get nervous to go to Singapore/Malaysia as I am on my own (literally!). I am studiously planning potential things to see and do, so hopefully the only real worry I will have is whether my speech will hold up under the toughest pressure to date. As long as I take it slow and steady and do not avoid, that is all I can ask of myself.

Hiding out in Ho Chi Minh

On Friday we visited the Cu Chi Tunnels, a 200km network of tunnels under Vietnam countryside leading to Ho Chi Minh City, that enabled the Viet Cong to fight the Americans during the war. The site had been preserved in a brilliant way; we wandered along the path and randomly the guide would ask if we could see any tunnel entrances, which of course we could not. He would then point an entrance out, which would appear as if by magic. I can totally see how the Viet Cong were able to sneak up on the Yanks- the tunnel design is incredible.

We entered a section of tunnel about 50 feet long but I got quite claustrophobic and had to leave at the first exit (after 20 feet), which made me respect the fighters even more for living and working in those conditions. We saw booby traps which were absolutely ingenious; some were created by holes dug under the ground which remain hidden until you happened to walk over them and were instantly impaled on bamboo sticks, or stuck with rusty nails driven into your leg/arm/face. Nice...!!!

After our tunnel explorations we visited the War Remnants Museum, which was harrowing and shocking. I am quite ignorant about the Vietnam War (I'm ashamed to say) but visiting the country has made me want to read more about it when I come home. We learnt how the destruction of the country was total: not only were bombs dropped on major cities but napalm too. Trees and countryside were burned to ensure crops couldnt grow (therefore people would starve). Vietnam still experiences high numbers of children born with birth defects as a result of the chemicals the parents were exposed to. It is hard to believe this happened so recently and it made me think of how lucky I am to be healthy. I might get frustrated sometimes that I stammer, but to be honest, that is nothing compared to the trials other people face.



My time in Vietnam concluded with another day trip on the Mekong River, this time to see floating markets and local village life. Boats attach a sample of their wares to the mast to ensure potential customers know what they sell and all boats on the river have eyes painted onto the front to scare away crocodiles. We also saw coconut sweets being made and then ate lunch accompanied by a husband and wife singing team, who sang the story of a lady boat owner who is attracted to her customer, but she doesn't know what to do about it because she doesn't want to break customer rules. The conundrum was very intriguing indeed!

Vietnam was wonderful and I would love to come back to see more- this was only a whistlestop tour and I'm keen to get to Cambodia where there is much more to discover, including Angkor Wat next week!



PS: 400 people read my blog last month...wow!!

The day of 17 spring rolls

Hoi An was the destination this week, and I wasted no time in getting a few clothes custom made for me in the famous tailor shops. I chose my shop from the guidebook, sat down to flick through designs and decided on a dress and a skirt for work.

Despite searching high and low through the racks, I could not find the material I wanted so the lady took me to her warehouse on a rickety motorbike (the second in two days! This time I wasn't sure if it was ok for me to grab her waist so I ended up digging my fingernails into the edge of the seat to hold on. I started screaming as she whizzed through the hectic traffic into oncoming bikes and it was not agreeable. I thought I was going to die at certain points). Having found the material, she made the dress perfectly (despite being a terror on a motorbike) and I think I shall wear it to my cousins wedding next year, but I do wonder if I am just telling myself this to justify the purchase!



I hired a bike yesterday to cycle to Cua Dai beach. Coming from Bournemouth, I am a slight beach snob but the sea had warm, clear water with dusty sand and beautiful palm tress swaying in the breeze...just how I like it! It was brilliant.

To top the clothes and the beach, Hoi An also had an amazing bakery selling deliciously chocolatey brownies- could a town be any more perfect?!

My speech is better this week and I am determinedly hammering the fear of D. The old mental rolodex is constantly spinning to search for D words for overkill usage, unlike before when it would studiously look for any alternative. I'm heavily utilising McGuire laws 6,7 and 8:

6). Respond immediately to turbulence
7). Respond intensely to turbulence
8). Your response to turbulence must be for long enough

There is a reason these laws exist and I am fast finding out why!

Some of you may wonder why this post is entitled "the day of 17 spring rolls". On Wednesday, I inadvertently ate 17 spring rolls. I did not intend to, but it happened and although I felt quite sick, I would do the same again!

Next post: Ho Chi Minh City for Cu Chi Tunnels

D-Day in Halong Bay

I went to Halong Bay over the weekend and it was stunning. I did lots of sunbathing whilst drifting past the limestone karsts, and finished the day with a sunset kayak into a lagoon. We also visited a huge cave which was lit like a grotto and could have been a lunar landscape. Our local guide gave an informative talk on Vietnam's marriage situation, mentioning how certain hill tribes enforce women shaving their eyebrows off once they get married, and other tribes deny women the right to cut their hair so it grows to their feet. After a seafood dinner, I chatted with friends on the sundeck until the stars started to appear.

For the past week, I have been experiencing lots of tension/blocking badly on words beginning with 'd'. D was always my arch-nemesis before I joined the McGuire programme, and I studiously I avoided saying any D word. I would use every trick in the book to get out of using that sound and as such, it still frightens me quite a lot. Having said that, I have put lots of work into overkilling the fear of D, but it seemed that D wanted to rear its ugly head one last time to really test my progress.

Things came to a head in Halong Bay where I started avoiding using D words that I would normally say because I was blocking so badly, and as soon as this started to happen, I was very concerned indeed. I wasn't sure what to do, as my usual options of calling Terry (my primary coach), or Matt (the Regional Director for UK South) were not available to me as:

1. I was on a junk boat in the middle of the sea with no working telephone
2. There were only 14 other people on board so no chance for contacts to start to batter the word down.

What's a girl to do?

Luckily, I am travelling with 3 amazing girls: Ali, Adele and Danielle. I explained to them the problems I was experiencing. They very kindly agreed to make me say dreaded D words, to ensure I would not avoid using them. It turned into a game of "What is the longest sentence we can make Hannah say using D words?" and the winner was "Danielle is dearly disappointed at this dreadful, dreary, damp, depressing day". Throughout the day, they randomly came up to me and would quietly say, "Sentence time!", but thanks to them, the fear is receeding and D is going back down. Tomorrow when I get to Hoi An I will do contacts to overkill this, and this will be D's last hurrah! This dreadful D dilemma (hee hee!), made me realise that recovering from stammering doesn't have to be a serious drama- it can be fun if you include other people and ask them to help you on your way.



In more positive news, today I went on a motorcycle tour of the countryside surrounding Hue, the famed 'conical hat' city. The motorcycle tour was excellent and my driver did not mind in the slightest that I hung onto him for dear life! Everyone else just held the bar on the back of the seat, but I have only ever been on Mark's bike on paved London roads and at some points, the road was nothing more than a dirt track, a grass path through a cemetary (really!) or a hilltop road strewn with large chunks of rock. We stopped at the only tiger colosseum in South East Asia, the Minh Mang tombs and a hilltop pagoda which is famous for something but I can't really remember what as it started raining and I was cold and ready for a cup of tea.

I thought I would blog today as my last post was quite long and I think it was too long for everyone to read but this ended up being quite long too, so that plan didnt really work. Sorry everyone! I hope this was slightly interesting, at least!